(your) Past

I listened before I talked, I thought before I reacted, I waited before I criticized, I forgive before I pray even that hard to forget, and I tried, and I still try before I quit.

I am done,

I have enough,

I do want to try harder,

I do want to wait

I don’t give up,

But maybe, here isn’t my place to stay,

No need for you to look at me,

I’ll make sure when you wake up, I won’t be there,

I won’t be around when you open your eyes,

You do not need to pretend anymore,

No more nightmares,

You should be happy when you turn your head, no me there,

By the time, I won’t be everywhere you think I might be stand,

I will be your past,

UNTOLD

“My tears pour down like a rain”

Pretend is killing. 

Is so hard not to tell that I am more than care.

Cant imagine your reaction, that will freak me out.

“I wear a mask everywhere you are around”

I am scare that someday you will know how I really feel then you will run off my world.

“I met people from all around the world, why you are the one that give me the impression”

I didn't regret we meet. I really don't regret that I deeply care about you. I just regret that I keep it to myself

“May I ask? Do you feel it too? Or do you ever recognize mine? Do you really not like me at all as the way I do? ”

How If I never tell you the way I really feel towards you

I am scare that you will hate me after my confession. If you just laugh at me, I can handle it.

“I just breathed deeply and keep positive”

I retold myself again and again.

My stomach turned when I heard you or somebody said about your lover.

I don’t have to worry, my mask already there to safe me.

“If I spill all my feeling to you, what will you do?”

I have plenty time to tell you but I choose not to. 
I am scare that you don't have same feeling as mine, and you will hate me

“Should I put my mask off?”

It’s so hard to keep my mind blank when you suddenly sit so close to me.

How can I explain to the whole world if I suddenly be blunted and jumped to your lap?

“How could you make me want to hug you in the first place? Even I pretend not to”

Stand and stare. Do you ever call me to hug you, to feel your heartbeat? Don’t you feel that pull too? Or that’s just me. Maybe I am insane to think that way.

“If disappear is the only option, I’ll pick that”

I’ll be happy to see the smile of people I love even without me in it.

I really wished you seal your happiness with your lover soon so I have no chance. That will help me knowing my place. I will break to knot but don’t worry, I can survive.

If there were no vows between you and her it will keep my hope even I pretend not to have at all.

God gave me strength not to give up easily.

“Pretend”

I prefer to fall to anybody then heartbroken come than deeply care without not knowing how to tell you.

I should hate you, that way better in every single aspect.

Flat is my weapon towards you. I was success in one or two, but I fall on third round.

“Can I just jump to your embrace without worrying the whole world?”

I decided not to exist the feeling about you but my wall is fall apart when you come, when I heard your voice, when I see your smile, when I see you down.

How long can I survive standing so close by you without telling you how I really feel?

If I can rewind, I prefer to think that you are weird as my first impression you gave to me.